As I sit here this morning writing this, I'm stranded along the road waiting for a tow truck to arrive. My basically brand new car decided to lose power. Let me tell you, in the middle of a busy three lane road, it's terrifying!
I put on my turn signal, muttered a silent prayer, and darted across traffic hoping to not be the cause of an accident. Thankfully I arrived at safety, though I had no idea of how to begin describing my location to the roadside assistance people poised to help me.
In the moment, I sat there shaking, terrified, panicked, nervous. I felt completely out of my mind, like everything was moving in slow motion around me.
It's been a really long time since fear gripped me to this extent! But as I looked out at the abandoned gas station, complete with graffiti covered boarded up windows with no humanity in direct sight, I was paralyzed.
The lady on the phone was speaking so gently and kindly, assuring me that everything would be okay. She was sending help for me, she just needed to know my location. I could tell her how I got there, but that wasn't helpful. She needed an address, something definitive to work with. But there was nothing, no road signs, no building signs, just me, the creepy gas station, the road, and the sound of an oncoming train.
Desperate to help, she sent a link to my cell phone which should give her my coordinates. However, my phone told me to enable my location but my settings showed that it was.
I felt dumb and inadequate. But she again assured me that it would be okay. Surely the tow truck driver would understand my directions, with him being familiar with the area.
As she disconnected the call, I cried. No, sobbed was more like it! I felt out of control and completely unprepared. To be honest, I felt abandoned.
How could God being me to this point?
You see, I've only lived in this town for about two years. Aside from coworkers and church friends, I literally know no one.
What was God doing, asking my family and I to move to Florida? How could He sit in satisfaction knowing that my support system is over twelve hundred miles away?
I knew the roads back home, and the tow truck driver that would come for me. I was surrounded by people that I could call in a heartbeat to pick me up and drive me to the car dealership to await the arrival of my broken down vehicle. They might even sit with me, enjoy some coffee, and fill my time.
These thoughts only added to the mounting anxiety I was feeling. As I stared out at my surroundings, I could hear all of the warnings that my mom issued - the ones that frustrated me to no avail.
At 18 years-old, I was dating the man that would become my husband. He lived a little over an hour away from us, and my mom initiated an 11:00pm curfew. I thought she was being ridiculously unfair, as I was an adult. But when I’d argue, I would get one of two responses.
“As long as you live in my house, you will abide by my rules - and my rule says that you’ll be home by 11:00!” or “You have to travel a major highway where there are plenty of truck drivers. What if you end up stranded along the road? What if someone takes you, rapes you, beats you, and leaves you for dead? And literally no one has a clue where you are!”
I was definitely being led down a constricting path, full of fear, anxiety, and what-ifs. Terrified of everything that the day was holding, feeling the urge to go to the bathroom, and sweating profusely from the heat I decided to sit in the back of my car with the lift gate up. This allowed for a sweet breeze to pass through, enough to keep me comfortable. And there, I paused. I took a deep breath, and felt a wave of peace begin to pass over me.
We can get so lost in our own worries and fears that we can lose sight of a much bigger picture happening around us.
First of all, my morning was being spiritually attacked. For the first time in his life, my husband took a step of faith and registered to attend a weekend men’s retreat - which started tonight. And honestly, I believe that God has major things in store for him. I believe that he will experience healing and freedom from years worth of pain. I’m expecting him to be filled with the Holy Spirit and launched into all that God has for him. I am excited for him to come home renewed, strengthened, anointed, and transformed - because when God sets my husband free, he releases our entire family into the next chapter of our lives. No, I don’t fully know what that looks like - but with God, everything is amazing.
Secondly, Satan wanted to hold me in bondage to my past. He wanted to remind me of all of the fears that I had been exposed to while growing up. And he wanted to convince me that life isn't worth living if it's not comfortable. But I am not the product of a fearful generation because I can choose whether to walk in fear or walk by faith. I can reclaim power, power that the enemy tried to steal from me a long time ago. And stepping out of our comfort zone often leads us to something so great, an experience that we'd never have by living in fear.
So in that abandoned parking lot, I battled. I prayed, I cried, I praised. Praise brings forth breakthrough!
The tow truck arrived, and the driver was just as friendly as my tow driver in Pennsylvania. Yes, I believe that he would definitely earn my business moving forward.
I was again tested to arrive at the dealership only to realize that they needed to keep my vehicle and they did not have a courtesy car. The only option they were able to provide was to call a Lyft driver to pick me up. And again, I panicked slightly about getting into the car with a stranger. But, I leaned back into the loving arms of Jesus and asked Him to give me peace and patience.
Within minutes, Sandy the Lyft lady pulled into the parking lot and we were off. But this had to have been the biggest blessing of all - she started talking about feeling like she was missing something in her life. And so I was given the opportunity to talk to her about Jesus. As she dropped me off in front of my office, she thanked me for ministering to her - telling me that her life would never again be the same.
I could have easily allowed the events of the morning to consume my whole day. But instead, I decided to take it to the Lord and allow Him to use the day as He saw fit. And in doing so, I met people that I otherwise would not have met. I learned to exchange my fear for faith, and was reminded that God will take any bad day and use it for His glory - if we’re willing to surrender it to Him.
What do you need to trust Him with today?