I'd be lying if I said that I am enjoying this Christmas season. In fact, I'm not - not at all, to be honest.
Yes, there's been the fun moments like watching the little kids sing at church. And there's been the sweet, heartfelt gift from a dear friend of mine. And of course, I've seen lots of Christmas beauty - especially at the mansion down the street who uses ten million sets of Christmas lights to illuminate their beachfront property. Okay, okay, maybe I'm exaggerating on that one - but it was honestly beautiful!
But I've had this heaviness in my heart. I've only experienced it one other year, and that was Christmas 2013. For some reason that year I didn't want Christmas to come - and I had no idea why.
Well, hindsight is 20/20 - and I had the answer on Christmas 2014, when I was celebrating my first Christmas without my mom. I believe I struggled to find Christmas cheer in 2013 because my heart knew that it was going to be my last Christmas with her, and I didn't want it to be over.
But this year, the heaviness isn't the same as what it was back then. This year, it has taken on a whole new feeling. Maybe it's the fact that my kids are growing up and no longer asking for toys. Or maybe it's the fact that there is busyness everywhere - seemingly preventing us from enjoying the holidays.
I look outside at the palm trees swaying in front of my balcony in the breeze, and I realize that I'm barefoot - and wearing shorts. So maybe it's the lack of cold, snow, coats, hats, and mittens. Or maybe it's because for the third year in the row, we're away from our families at Christmas.
I tell Jake that I love living in Florida eleven months out of the year - but I hate it from Thanksgiving to Christmas.
But through my tear-filled eyes, I hear a still, small voice reminding me that Christmas as we celebrate it isn't what Christmas is about at all.
Surrounded by stinky animals, Jesus was born.
There was no pomp or circumstance, just a quiet, humble beginning. Mary and Joseph weren't surrounded by several generations of family carefully watching to make sure the Christmas cookies didn't burn. No, they had each other that night - and it was enough.
We've commercialized Christmas so badly over the years, with expectations going through the roof. There's the demand for an elegantly decorated home full of presents and delicious food. And don't get me wrong, while there is nothing wrong with spending time with family and friends and giving gifts - why do we have to wait for this one time a year to remind people that they are loved, that they are thought of?
Yes, Jesus was brought gifts - but He wasn't a newborn baby when those gifts arrived. And during that time, without expectation, Mary and Joseph merely enjoyed their bundle of joy. They knew the plans that God had for Him, and I am sure that they celebrated Jesus - all while remaining humbled at the fact that out of every set of parents in the world, they were chosen to raise Jesus.
So where has contentment gone? We've become a society always striving for the next best thing. We don't pause at Christmas to count our blessings. Instead we work tirelessly through each day, neglecting to notice the things around us that are worth celebrating. And this year, more than any other year, things have been neglected - and the atmosphere, at least in my world has remained cold and uninviting. Silence has filled the air where Christmas singing once took place. Laughter has ceased, and I'm merely left with memories.
Memories of baking cookies with the kids - who are now busy outside running around with their friends. If you mention baking, they'll scoff and say they're bored. Memories of cuddling up watching Christmas movies and eating cookies, now replaced with cries of "I'm tired" because we've pushed ourselves to the limit. And laughter as we've played games now replaced with "I'm too busy." And of course the memories of Christmases spent with family now replaced with a longing in the heart but circumstances that don't allow for that duration of travel.
Maybe I'm just officially becoming an adult and realizing the brokenness around me - including my own. But I don't want to celebrate my Christmas with this depressive cloud over me. And I certainly don't want to do this each and every year for however long I live!
So this Christmas, will you join me in praying for those who are pushing through sorrow to try and find happiness? Will you be attentive for the opportunity to bless someone, and take a moment to celebrate the life that surrounds you?
More than that, will you pause and reflect on the true reason for celebrating Christmas? It's not about gifts, cookies, or glittery lights. It's about the birth of a babe - the babe who would be born, live, and die for my sake and yours. He came to draw near to the brokenhearted and to set the captives free. He dries my tears, lifts my head, and gives me hope for a future. This Man that came to save the world, took a moment to look upon me specifically and say, "You're worth it!", and He did it for you too!
Jesus, my sweet Jesus, He's the reason for the season!
Heavenly Father, thank you. Thank you for sending us a Redeemer, a Restorer, the Prince of Peace. I don't deserve all that you have given, but you love me so much that you chose to give it anyways. And you give me more than my heart even has time to long for. This Christmas, Lord, I ask for you to dry the tears in the eyes of your people. Help us to find joy, laughter, peace, and contentment. Help us to focus on the things that are worth celebrating - with the biggest of all being YOU! And this Christmas, will you bless those who are reading this? God, you know their needs, their hurts, their heartache - bless them. I ask for you to richly and abundantly lavish your love on them in ways that they've never felt before. Call them back to you, reconcile them to yourself, and give them a double portion to carry them into 2020. Let this be the season for freedom. In Jesus's name, Amen!
From our family to yours, Merry Christmas!
