Regardless of who you are, you're going to face challenges in life. And 99.9% of the time, you're not going to understand them at all while you're walking through that valley.
To be honest, there may be times that even when you pass through the troubled waters, you may never fully come to grips with all that was going on during that season of your life.
In 2010, my mom had to have a heart catheterization. The doctor emerged from the operating room, looking a bit tired, and shared some harrowing news with us. My mom's heart was in pretty bad shape. She had a blockage in her heart that had been there so long that her body created its own bypass, when in fact that episode should have killed her. He was skeptical of her condition, and therefore didn't open up the other blockages. Instead, he chose to wait until the next morning to continue. His words were, "If she makes it through the night and all looks good, I'll go back in."
She made it, and was taken into surgery the next day.
This experience kind of shock us. As a small child, my family and I had attended church but quit attending due to a disagreement with the pastor. You don't walk through a situation like this unchanged though, so we corporately made a decision that maybe we should get back to church.
Fast forward about a year and a half, and life was looking good. Jake and I had received a miracle in the fact that Caleb was born healthy and whole - though the doctors had some doubt because of a condition that I had developed. But things took a downward spiral really quick - and it caused me to turn my back completely on God.
My parents were relentless! I hated to visit them because they would just nag about the condition of my spiritual life, and try to pressure me to return to church. I wanted nothing to do with it! Tell me how on earth there could be a God when my life fell to pieces as a result of the church! I was prideful, arrogant, but most of all, wounded.
A new pastor had moved his family to shepherd the church I had attended as a small child, the same one that I left. My dad was adamant that I should at least meet him, and scheduled a Thursday morning appointment. Boy this guy didn't know what was about to hit his office!
I was mad, felt tricked, and had walls up around my emotions like I was trying to protect the fortress. And I whined, and complained, and cried -- you know, the usual pity party but this time with a new person in attendance. My production went on for probably a good 1-2 hours, and this pastor was unfazed!
As I finished my tirade, he asked one question - "Will I see you at church on Sunday?" You better believe that I was quick to retort, "MAYBE!"
First of all, to meet this guy, you'd never in a million years expect him to be a pastor. He's tall, built, and bald -- with a beard. And clearly he works out A LOT. (Later I'd find out that it had more to do with enjoying steak and cheesecake, but anyways.) And in all of his manly toughness, he didn't like my answer.
He replied, "When I get up to preach on Sunday morning, I will look out over the church. If you are not there, I will stop everything, hunt you down, and drag you to church - and I don't care if you're still in your pajamas! You're hurt, we all hurt at times - but there's something inside of you that I cannot sit back and watch go to waste!"
Well then, that settled it! The big guy had spoken, I believed he was being completely truthful, and I made sure to be there -- dressed in my Sunday best of course!
I pretended for a while, you know, going through the motions of church. And as time continued onward, my mom endured more surgeries to open blockages, and eventually her weakened heart claimed her life in 2014 - 18 days before Christmas - at the age of 54.
Losing your mom when you're not even 30, well it gives you some perspective. It was so hard! But yet I had peace, because I knew that she had re-devoted her life to the Lord. And as I stood by her casket, with tears rolling down my face, and I said my final good-bye, I silently and officially cried out to God to save me too.
"...and call on me in the day of trouble;I will deliver you, and you will honor me.” -Psalm 50:15
Today, words cannot express how thankful I am that this pastor was willing to see past my hurt. If it wasn't for him, and also for his beautiful wife who took me under her wing and loved me, I'm not sure where I'd be. But I can guarantee that it wouldn't be here, typing out a blog to encourage people to trust God. It wouldn't be living in Florida ministering to the broken each day.
And friends, that's the love of God. He sees so much more in us than we can see when we look in the mirror. His love for us is so vast, grace-filled, and unending that we cannot comprehend it entirely. When He beckons, He's not calling out from your past or even your present. He's speaking to you from all that He knows the future can hold for you if you'll surrender to Him and trust Him.
I pray that you'll hear from Him. And don't worry, He'll get your attention -- even if He does use a bald, built guy to do it!