Today, I wasn't sure that I was going to make it. It feels like Jake and I have been dodging bullets for an eternity - though it's only been a few months. In this season, we've taken two steps forward and five steps backwards - and it has been exhausting! Everything came to a head with one small sentence, "Mommy, my mouth hurts."
A quick assessment of Caleb's mouth, and one can quickly see not only a cavity but also an abscess growing on his gum. We've been down this road with Emilie in the past, and it wasn't easy. But this time, it was like the straw that broke the camel's back. Why? Because we don't have dental insurance, and haven't had dental insurance since God asked if we'd trust Him enough to move to Florida.
But there's been more. Dead car batteries, flat tires, school physicals (again without adequate insurance), canceled jobs when the paycheck is based off of commission, and our PA tenants were late with the rent which meant we were late on the mortgage. It's been a daily battle to not succumb to the pressures of life. And to be honest, my prayer journal is full of "Why God", "When God", "Help me Lord", "Will this get better?", "Am I missing something?", and so much more.
We all have these types of seasons, and it does not matter who you are. It rains on the just and the unjust. But how we choose to weather these storms can make all of the difference.
And don't worry! It's not a contest to see who can get it right and who might get it wrong. The truth is that we all need a Savior.
But God shows up in the midst of it all. He quiets our heart, speaks to us, and provides for us. And sometimes, He'll use what we're going through to teach us a lesson. Not an "I told you so" kind of lesson, but one that says "My child, it's okay."
Reaching out to people in my moments of weakness has never been my strong suit. I've always been taught to never let anyone see you sweat. I learned to paint a smile on my face, and it's rare that someone can see past it - but God does. Today though, the pressure was too much. So I contacted the women's group at my church and asked for prayers for strength and peace. Not really expecting much of a response, I was blown away by the people who took the time to offer encouragement - and not just the typical Christian response of "Prayers going up."
Their heartfelt words, their prayers, and their love caused me to really step back and evaluate all that God has done in the stormy season.
We've been blessed with two family dinners - completely free. That's a big deal when you're a family of 5 and paychecks have been smaller than usual. My son, who has desired for quite some time to learn how to play the guitar, was given two Fender guitars AND a retired neighbor agreed to give him free lessons. To top it off, the surgeon's office called regarding Caleb's appendectomy from last year. There was no balance due! Well, I knew this, because they were gracious enough to significantly minimize the bill last summer when finding out that we lacked insurance. And it was paid last year, but the phone call today was just timely in reminding me that I serve a BIG God. And so do you!
In this season, I've sat in church services hearing of people testifying to the goodness of God. I've seen people who struggled to put their hand to their heart now raise their hands above their head in full-on praise. And I've watched my daughter grow in her faith. I've witnessed her raise in hands in worship, and have seen her completely transform before my eyes. God has been faithful to call her back, and to overwhelm her with His love. Every year, the night before school brought a lot of anxiety - but not this year. Emilie said she was actually looking forward to this school year because she now knows who she is in Christ - and it doesn't matter what others think of her. To this mama bear, that's huge! And two weeks in, she's loving school, making friends, and flourishing.
Even on the days where I struggle to see it, I have to trust that God is still working. And on the most difficult days, it's important to take a few moments to think about all of the ways God has moved in your life before!
One story I always go back to is being completely broke just a couple of years ago. I had about twenty-five cents left in my bank account, which needed to last for four days. Having three kids at home, milk was a must-have. And well, I didn't have it. I had to walk down over a hill to take my kids to the bus stop. On the way back up the hill, something caught my attention. There, sticking out from underneath a leaf was a five-dollar bill. By it's condition, one could see that it had been there for quite some time, yet no one noticed it. But I did that day, and it was exactly the small reminder that I needed to carry me through.
Friend, God is faithful. All His promises are "Yes" and "Amen" - which means He'll do everything that He says He'll do. And trust me, no matter where He calls you, He'll make a way for you as He did for the Israelites in the desert.
Tonight, allow your heart to align with God. Rest in Him. Everything might not turn out how you WANT it to, but that doesn't mean it's wrong.