Tonight, worship at church took me to a place that I haven't been in a really long time. It was a place that should be visited more often, but life seems to get in the way sometimes. It's a place of beauty, a place of rest, a place of peace, a place of unexplainable comfort. Time tends to stand still here, and for once, you're okay with it. I climbed into the lap of my Daddy (Jesus), and sat for a while. I soaked in His presence, lost in the moment of adoration that I had for Him- while being just saturated with the love that was pouring over me.
And tears started streaming down my face as silent memories filled my mind.
The first memory drawn to my attention was being a little girl standing in the local department store eyeing up a white stuffed rabbit. Stitched on this bunny was a little blue diaper, and in his hand he held a blue pacifier. And yes, it could be put into this bunny's mouth. The price tag read just shy of $10.00, and I wanted him so bad.
My family was broke at that time though, so as was frequently the case when I took to fussing about something, the answer was no.
I cried at the store, and I think I whined over that bunny day in and day out.
The night before Easter, I could not quit sobbing. All I wanted was that rabbit, whom I had already affectionately named "Bun Bun". And rather than keeping my sister awake, it was the one night that I remember my mom inviting me back downstairs with her.
As she sat down on a chair in front of the window, she beckoned for me to climb into her lap. She held me in her arms, left me cry into her chest, and we conversed about why this rabbit was so important to me. Sometime later, she suggested that the Easter Bunny would maybe bring me the rabbit and I scurried off to bed.
When I woke the next morning, sure enough, there was Bun Bun. And I cried tears of joy, tears of disbelief, tears of thanksgiving. My heart's desire had been fulfilled, and I didn't have to earn it.
That memory gave way to another one. But this wasn't a one-time memory, it was a favorite pastime of mine. And boy oh boy did I ever look forward to it as a kid.
I loved my dad - I still do. With him being gone a lot, I longed for just a moment of his time. One day while shopping, he picked up a small, square story book. It was titled "What Kind of Truck", and was the story of a little boy whose aunt and uncle took him shopping for a toy truck for his birthday. They searched high and low for the perfect truck, presuming that he must want a firetruck, or a garbage truck, or possibly a cement mixer. Finally after they had looked at nearly every truck, they asked what he wanted. To their surprise, he picked out a pickup truck. It looked identical to theirs.
At first, I would curl up beside my dad when he had time and he would read to me. Eventually, we'd take our position on the couch and I would read to him. And this became one of my favorite moments so much so that I eventually memorized the book, line by line and page by page. Don't quiz me on it now, it's been too long!
As I sat there in the lap of Jesus tonight, I merely said, "God, what do you want me to see?"
"My child, I want you to see that your parents DID love you. They struggled to show it to you, and often got it wrong. But in their imperfections, I was still working. I want you to see the excitement, joy, and love you felt in these moments of quiet with them. I want you to see that the desire's of your heart were fulfilled - both for the physical toy you wanted and the longing to have cherished moments with your dad. If they could give you this amount of love, how much more love do you think I have to lavish upon you? Don't let tonight's memory of climbing into my lap be a one-time experience like it was with your mom. Instead, come back daily. I long to spend time with you, with your head against My chest. I want to converse about your day, and I want to hear why things are important to you. But I want you to know me intimately, not just know of me. I want you to rest in my presence, and be comforted in all circumstances by my embrace. And like the boy longed to have a truck like his aunt and uncle's, I want you to seek to have a heart like mine. This can only be achieved through spending time with me. So will you just stay here awhile? I've been longing to see you, just you, removed from the obstacles of life. Everything is going to be okay, rest in Me."
So tonight, I choose to rest in the loving reassurance of God. I want to purpose myself to climb into His lap each day, where I can be transformed. In this secret place is where I'll learn to be like God.
It doesn't matter who you are, the poor choices that you might have made, or the ugly things that may have been done to you. God desires to meet you, to love you, to change you, and to heal you. Are you ready to surrender to Him?